Be Here Now

OK, here we go.

So far this blog has been all about my intellectual apparatus; the texts and traditions I have learned about and experienced that drew me to BDSM. All of that was written during the weeks between sessions with Miss Mitsu. After a couple weeks of that, I begin to lose touch with the physicality of the experience. I begin to doubt the reality of that experience — that’s one reason I like doing videos. Evidence! Yes, I did have that experience. Holy shit.

I had another mind-bending experience with Mitsu at Rapture yesterday.

I had previously expressed an interest in sounds but we hadn’t tried it in session yet. When I e-mailed Mitsu after I booked our time at Rapture, I didn’t say anything about the specific activities I wanted to try. She knows my limits; we seem to be clicking well in terms of interests, so I left it entirely up to her.

When I got to the Silver Room to wait for Mitsu, I noticed a tray with some wires and some gadgets, and one of the gadgets looked long and slender, like it might be a sound.

Which, in fact, it turned out to be.

Hmmm.

How much detail do I want to share here?

Before we started, Mitsu told me she was working on integrating trance language into her sessions. It wouldn’t be a full-on trance induction like we have done before, but similar in style. After she restrained me, she prepared an electrified anal probe and inserted it. As she was doing this, she started talking me into a state of deep relaxation but also deep focus.

A lot of her language resonated with the stuff I’ve been reading about meditation and yoga. The guy on my yoga videos — Baron Baptiste — describes yoga as meditation in motion. He also talks about focusing on breathing and relaxing in physically challenging poses. So in addition to my inclination to do whatever Mitsu tells me to do, her words tapped right into the yoga I’ve been doing regularly for almost 2 years.

And it really happened. At first the anal probe felt sharp and prickly and uncomfortable, but that sensation completely changed over time as I loosened up my mind and began to tingle. Really, my face got all tingly. I apologize for relying so much on the term “floaty” but I think that’s the best way to describe it.

So that alone was sending me on quite a trip when Mitsu inserted the sound. I honestly felt very little discomfort as it went in, and I got it in all the way, which I’m proud of. I promise to keep better track of the make and model numbers of her gadgets, for journalistic purposes, I think it was a TENS unit. I know it has a 9 volt battery, and I know we had it turned up all the way. When the juice was flowing into both orifices, I officially left the planet.

And THEN Mitsu applied the nipple clamps, which struck me as perfect timing. She sat next to me on the bed and fiddled the controls and I started humming and singing and wriggling like an otter. It was pretty spectacular.

We also made considerable progress with the opening of my ass. She used to have a picture up somewhere that showed her holding her giant glass dildo. She used that on me yesterday to great effect. I am just a junior ass slut at this point, but we’re working on it. The goal of having Miss Mitsu’s entire fist up my ass is a great and worthy pursuit.

The floaty feeling lingers for quite a while after the session ends. When I peed for the first time that afternoon, the tip of my urethra stung like a motherfucker. It stung less and less over the next 24 hours or so, but it was a deeply satisfying sting. An invisible reminder on my body. I don’t think I have mentioned that I keep my kink entirely secret to all around me. Thus, it’s only on rare occasions that I can wear battle scars on my skin. I did tell one very close friend, but I trust him like a brother. He was also impressed and intrigued. The one question he asked over and over was “Yeah, it looks hot, but doesn’t it HURT?”

Which brings us around to the big question of the day: if the sensation transforms from “hurty” to “delightful” can we still describe it as “pain”? Does it still “hurt” if I’m humming like a whale and giggling to myself?